Losing Yourself

I have come to the realization that I have lost myself. I think there comes a point in everyone’s life where they lose themselves or their way. I will soon be 26 and I’ve already reached that point.

It all started when I would go through my Google photos. I was looking at pictures of when I had a car, going out to eat, buying new things, always having my hair and nails done. It reminded me of a good time. When I had a job, and I was independent. At the time when I had all of this I was 22 years old. I was doing very well for myself and my daughter, and considering my age, I was doing better than most.

Currently, I have no job and no car. Yes, I am also a mother and that is a job within itself. However, I am also a person and I like to work. I got too comfortable in my relationship. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t lean on your partner when in need, but I am saying that you should be able to provide for yourself and your family by yourself. Yes, you’re a family, and "team work makes the dream work", but there are things that happen that are out of your control. For example, one parent can get hurt on the job. Yeah sure, there’s job compensation, but that check is not the same as if you weren’t injured. Also, some injuries, might take you out of a job for the rest of your life which means disability, and in New York, that’s chump change. Another example, one parent can lose their job. Whatever the reason for that loss, not all jobs give a severance pay and unemployment doesn’t last forever.

My mother has always said “don’t ever rely on any man”. It’s not until now that those words actually mean something to me. This is not in anyway to downplay men, but more to empower women, because we can always use more of that. Women, should be able to hold their own without the help of a man (or significant other). It’s empowering to say “I bought that”, instead of having someone talk down to you saying “you wouldn’t have any of this without me”. Here’s a perfect example, in the last movie of Fifty Shades *yes, I enjoy the movies, and yes I read all the books*, they’re married and she tells Christian that she enjoys working and she also wants to make a name for herself, and all of this even though he’s a billionaire. Personally, in that particular instance, I wouldn’t mind a part time job, but that’s just me. At the end of the day, that’s fiction, and this is real life *not everyone can catch the eye of Prince William*.

As I am almost 8 months pregnant, I won’t be getting a job soon. However, I will be doing the things I need to do in order to get a stable job, with benefits, to be able to provide for my family. Whether that will be school, a certification, whatever, I will do what needs to be done to be able to provide for my family. After all, that’s what mothers do.